


Bookmarks you'll never use

by highboys (orphan_account)



Category: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: Gen, Lists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 11:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/highboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Running a vlog is hard, you guys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bookmarks you'll never use

**Author's Note:**

> A concise list of things Lizzie never checks out.

1\. Lydia's youtube account in conjunction with her own -- subscriber count, likes, and comments aside.

("Please never let her reach the hundred thousand mark," said Lizzie, to her screen. " _Please_."

"I don't think that's how it works," said Charlotte, unhelpfully.

"Only _half_?" Lydia shrieked from the other room. " _What is wrong with these dorks_."

Lizzie stroked her screen and sent a prayer to whoever must have blessed Jane a hundred times over. " _Please_.")

2\. That means no tumblr, too.

3\. Twitter? _Please_. Any young, hot-blooded male would be all too willing to check out the contents of an overeager, oversexed teenage girl's feed. She knows. She's compared the demographics of their followers, okay. _She knows_.

4\. The temporary webmail account from Pemberley, no doubt flooded by Georgiana's well-meaning but futile attempts to stalk all of Lizzie's lunch breaks for the foreseeable future.

( _What about now_ , Georgina IM-ed in the middle of her coffee break.

 _Is your brother coming_ , Lizzie replied, conflicted.

 _No_ , Georgina lied, ten minutes later.

 _Can't_ , Lizzie almost typed back, _I'm too busy sawing off my own hand_.

She hated herself for being so weak.)

5\. Updates on erotica and slash fiction, excuse you, Charlotte, _that was one time_.

("What are you reading," said Fitz, squinting at the screen. "Is that-- _oh my god_."

" _Out_ ," said Lizzie, outraged.

"I NEED WATER," said Fitz. "AND AIR."

"I need a new life," Lizzie moaned into her hands.)

6\. Darcy's wiki page.

(Yes, it exists. It is a thing, apparently, and Lizzie does not have it bookmarked in her phone, nope.

Charlotte keeps adding it back every chance she gets, though. _Damn it_.)

7\. Fucking _George_.

8\. Class schedules because guess who's on her way to graduation? That's right, bitches, _it's not Lydia_.

9\. Job postings. So much for that.

10\. The facebook link to her high school reunion. There are some things in this world she'd rather not relive.

11\. No one really cares what happens to Caroline.

12\. Except maybe Jane. Who, by the way, should not even be looking obsessively at Bing's facebook profile, no matter how hot his picture is. _You can do so much better, new Jane._

13\. Or can she? Lizzie doesn't really know for sure, sometimes, but those moments are passing, the same way her internal rage at not beating her highest score at Temple Run quickly goes away.

14\. MLA citation pages, if only for the _shame_.

("You mean you haven't memorized this yet after years of writing papers," said Charlotte, loftily.

"Scream it, why don't you," said Lizzie, and opened the page.)

15\. Nyancat. Not a word.

16\. Multiply. What happens in the last decade _stays_ in the last decade, okay.

Besides, Lydia hijacked her account when she found out the password. Ugh.

17\. Takeout menus at run-down, questionable Chinese restaurants at the other side of town. She has pizza for that now.

18\. Any chance her mother will make herself visible on the internet. Oh. Oh god, _no_.

19\. Lottery numbers, if only because she'd never bought a ticket herself.

20\. That one time Darcy sent her an text message and she never replied:

("Oh, I accidentally deleted it," she said, pointedly mashing the button with a vengeance.

"Yes," said Charlotte, "yes, of course you did."

"This is why you are never going to get laid," said Lydia, sadly.

Lizzie dumped her phone into aquarium for good measure.)

21\. Old reference books, because after the last exam, _she was so done_.

22\. The results of Ricky's latest costume party, even if she did get a laugh out of Charlotte as a pretzel. _No words_.

("To my dearest friend Charlotte," said Lizzie, seconds away from linking the n number of embarrassing photos, "I will never want your job, just so you know.")

23\. If anyone asks, she did _not_ torrent Les Mis in a vain effort to avoid yet another invitation from Georgiana (and by extension, her brother), okay.

Okay.

24\. Hashtag #turkishoilwrestling. That is all.

("Is that oil or is that sweat," said Charlotte.

"I feel like I'm watching porn, only it doesn't have Trojans," said Lizzie.

"Sssh," said Charlotte, "it's a beautiful thing.")

25\. scholar.google.com. No, seriously. It's all library work, baby.

(Okay, and maybe a little yahoo and bing on the side.)

26\. Any and all semblance of glee. She has it tumblr savior-ed. Really.

It's too bad the gay kid is kind of cute, though.

27\. Things Lydia listens to.

28\. By extension, things Lydia watches.

29\. Actually, let's just make that: Lydia.

("You're just jealous I get more comments about my boobs," said Lydia.

Lizzie pinched the bridge of her nose and wondered how many internet predators stalked Lydia's vlog on a daily basis. If anyone could turn her devout, it would be Lydia, for sure. "I hear nothing," said Lizzie. "Nothing at all."

"Ooh, there's an idea," said Lydia, already calculating the sharp increase in subscriber count in the event that her vlog would up the rating.

" _No_ ," said Lizzie, and went to talk to her father about cutting Lydia off from the internet forever.)

30\. Last year's countdown to the end of the world. (Whatever, Charlotte, she totally did _not_ check it out.)

("I just want you guys to know that if suddenly the entire world disintegrates, I –"

"Can I have your laptop," said Charlotte.

"Dibs on that bag," Lydia gushed.

" _Guys_ ," said Jane, scandalized.

No wonder Jane was her favorite.)

31\. Most frequent google searches in the past 3 months:  
• How to get mad at older sister without failing and ending up in a sobfest halfway  
• The Lydia Bennet is this seriously a thing  
• How to castrate a man with a pair of gloves and a protractor  
• How to write better introductions  
• How to edit videos CHARLOTTE WHY  
• How to control younger sisters and lead them away from the path of Las Vegas nights and mayhem  
• Bing Lee  
• ~~William Darcy~~  
• How to tell your younger sister you love her without choking on your spit  
• How do you know if your not-stalker is judging you  
• How to be more proactive without looking slutty  
• How not to be Lydia  
• ~~nyancat nyancat lol THIS IS LYDIA THE ADORBS~~  
• How to get cat hair out of your skirt, _damn it, Lydia_  
• How to silently fume over best friend's life choices  
• How not to go crazy every time your mother opens her mouth  
• Cheap berets at ebay  
• How not to feel so lonely half the time  
• Privacy settings on youtube, is this a thing  
• How to tell someone you don't hate their guts as much as you used to  
• How to make roleplaying feel less awkward than it actually is  
• How to do dinner. How to date. How – fuck It, I'll ask Lydia

32\. Pictures of Darcy('s ass), thank you paparazzi with too much time in their hands. No one wants to know.

33\. Dating sites. Just. No.

("Can you explain why this popup keeps appearing," said Charlotte.

"My laptop is old," said Lizzie.

"Huh," said Charlotte, "I'm pretty sure it's –"

" _Old_ ," Lizzie insisted.)

34\. Fanfiction

("So it's a thing now," said Charlotte, over at skype. "See, most popular tags for the Lizzie Bennet Diaries include –"

Lizzie capslocked in incoherent rage.

"I see you saw the pairing tag," said Charlotte, sagely. "Good luck.")

35\. Google searches in the past five minutes:  
• How to be a socially reclusive cat lady forever  
• How to kill your best friend with your mind

("Look at the bright side," said Charlotte. "At least Darcy hasn't read any yet."

"May I talk to you for a moment, Lizzie," Darcy not-loomed in the corridor.

"I hate you so much," said Lizzie, and closed her laptop.)


End file.
